Since then, while covering the topic of human trafficking, I have heard Lloyd talk at numerous events and panels. I have called her up for quotes and insights, like the time football star Lawrence Taylor was arrested. I had needed to get a lucid response on why the media was portraying an under-age trafficked girl as a “hooker.”

Lloyd always speaks the truth to power. It may be to a New York City police commissioner, or an affluent Manhattan audience learning for the first time that 13-year-old African-American girls in Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn are being bought and sold. Lloyd frequently notes that they are part of an estimated 200,000-300,000 adolescents who are at risk annually for commercial sexual exploitation in the United States.

Consequently, it was no surprise to me that the memoir Lloyd had penned, Girls Like Us: Fighting for a World Where Girls Are Not for Sale, an Activist Finds Her Calling and Heals Herself, would be a tough, gritty and brutally honest account. Lloyd traces how a difficult childhood led to a hair-raising journey that encompassed risk, recruitment, violent abuse, breaking free from sexual exploitation—and ultimately healing. She now is a top activist in the anti-trafficking movement.

Finding her purpose in working with girls “in the life,” Lloyd connects to those in crisis based on shared experiences, understanding without judgment, and respect. Founding Girls Educational and Mentoring Services (GEMS) in 1998, Lloyd went back to school to attain her GED, going on to receive a Bachelors degree in Psychology from Marymount Manhattan College and a Masters in Applied Urban Anthropology from the City College of New York. She has racked up numerous awards for her efforts, all while “owning her experience.”

Girls Like Us presents a dual story. One is Lloyd’s personal narrative; the other is a primer on what trafficked American girls are up against. Lloyd outlines the elements that make girls vulnerable, examines how they are sexually exploited, and discusses the role of pimps, johns, and cops in the equation. The inherent difficulties of overcoming the trauma of sexual servitude often mimic the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Lloyd breaks down one fallacy after another, many unfortunately believed by social workers, law enforcement officials, and those making decision calls in the judicial system. If misconceptions could start to be addressed, perhaps a real awareness toward new solutions could be innovated.

There is so much that needs to change, and Lloyd points out the problems with crystal clarity. One of her frequent talking points is the statistic that the estimated median age of entry into the commercial sex industry occurs between the ages of 12 and 14. Defining the difference between an “exploited child and a prostitute” is a full time endeavor. She explains that “leaving the life takes practice,” and that girls need to have the unfailing support of a person who will not “give up on them.” Most important to note are the socioeconomic causes, that for some baffling reason appear more comprehensible when they occur in foreign countries, but which are insufficiently grasped on our own national turf.

Lloyd posits that too often the wrong questions are asked. Instead of taking a facile approach to a girl’s situation with the query, “Why doesn’t she just leave?”—Lloyd suggests an examination of the impact of lack of income, homelessness, and neglect, along with “race and class factors.” There are over 500,000 children in New York City living in poverty.

For police who don’t understand that captivity isn’t an issue of being physically tied and bound, it can be frustrating to translate the depths of a “trauma bond” in an existence predicated on terror. Leaving the life and making the transition is difficult. As Lloyd says, “Healing is a messy, complicated process that’s rarely linear.” It doesn’t help that society—even those tasked with supporting victims—often relay the message that the girl’s “exploitation was their choice,” leaving them with a burden of shame and a “policy that blames the victim.”

One of the major challenges is the need to reframe not only attitudes, but also language. The United Nations and UNICEF have adopted the term commercially sexually exploited child/youth to reference those who are underage.  New terminology will help grow novel thinking. Once assimilated into the collective mindset, a change can start to be reflected in the media and popular culture. As Lloyd emphasizes, most of America didn’t have trouble understanding the trauma of Elizabeth Smart. But when you shift from her story to a 14-year-old girl of color in the Bronx, the reaction is totally different.

Girls Like Us puts it all out there—no holds barred. In addition to the contribution that Lloyd has made with a book filled with visceral punch and detailed veracity, she has left the public with nowhere to hide.

There can no longer be the question, “Who knew?”

In her new memoir, Becoming Ginger Rogers: How Ballroom Dancing Made Me a Happier Woman, Better Partner, and Smarter CEO, Patrice Tanaka shares the story of how she committed to living in the present while putting joy in her life.

The shattering events of 9/11 are a backdrop to the beginning of Tanaka’s narration. The Twin Towers had been part of the view from her office window. She found herself repeatedly reflecting upon the losses experienced by those in the New York community—and the temporal nature of human beings. She was also dealing with her own struggles, both professional and personal.

Tanaka lays out the health challenges that she experienced from 1989 through 1990, and the illness of her adored husband, “Mr. Sweetheart,” who fought a cancerous brain tumor for fifteen years. During this period of time, she watched her spouse endure surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy treatment. Tanaka became his caretaker, and despite the draining effects recognized a major message on the choice of how we experience life—“as a chore or as a joy.”

At the end of 2001, Tanaka was “exhausted and depressed.” A session in mid-2002 with an executive coach became a turning point for her when she was challenged with the question, “What is your grand mission in life, your true purpose on the planet?” Tanaka, still consumed by thoughts of those who had perished in the 9/11 attacks, kept focusing on the concept of living in the moment in a way that was meaningful. She told her coach that her specific meaning was to “choose joy each day.” When pressed to identify what brought her joy, Tanaka responded unequivocally, “Dancing.” She was given the assignment to book a dancing lesson for herself.

The reader follows Tanaka into the world of ballroom dancing, where her life was about to change in unexpected ways as she masters lessons on the dance floor that resonate far beyond new steps and winning competitions.

Photo Courtesy of Albert Parker

The text is punctuated with terpsichorean related quotes, “Intermezzo” pages that detail different dances from the Mambo to the Tango, and excerpted aphorisms from her revelations. Without a doubt, women will personally relate to the material. This includes the quest for perfectionism, apologizing too much, the need do put matters into context, and fear of failure or losing control. Through her dancing, Tanaka gradually morphs from a top PR executive who has carried the nickname “Ayatollah Tanaka,” to an in-the-moment “Samba Girl,” who can stop to celebrate her achievements and dance through her mistakes.

Eager to dig deeper into her insights, I spoke with Tanaka by telephone. She was open in discussing her personal transformation, telling me, “It’s about pursuing your joy. It will permeate your being. There is no downside!” Tanaka told me that she had written the book to help others and to communicate the key message, “Pursue your joy with a sense of urgency. Live out full and fiercely today with no regrets.”

I asked her to comment on the blocks that had hamstrung her and that remain problematic for so many women. On perfectionism she said, “It’s a fear based approach to life. We want to be perfect because we worry that if we make one mistake, people are going to stop loving us.” She qualified that path as a way of “disenfranchising others.” She explained, “Just because I make a mistake, doesn’t mean I’m a failure. Failures are stepping stones to success.” She specifically underscored how they could be applied to moving forward.

Regarding always putting other people’s needs first, Tanaka pronounced it a “female thing,” noting, “We want to make sure others are taken care of. We’re trying to be there 200 percent, and we put ourselves last.” In her business practice, Tanaka referred to the habit of giving more than 100 percent as “over-servicing.”

Underscoring the choice to choose between focusing on negativity or on blessings, Tanaka believes getting in touch with the gratitude can stop “the slide into the abyss.” One of the tips that she shared when we spoke was about creating a “joy calendar,” where you actively schedule two to three things per month to look forward to. In addition, every night she makes a mental note of the positive episodes of her day. She is a firm believer that “whatever we request and are mindful of, we generate.”

Tanaka’s instructor, dance champion Emmanuel Pierre-Antoine, repeatedly conveyed, “Focus on your present step and do it full-out, because your present step is what’s going to produce our next step.” When Tanaka became able to implement this advice into her dance work, she then translated that mindset into her corporate life. She connected to the concept of “manifesting” results rather than forcing them.

My favorite takeaways were: “Let’s try to make the best decisions we can in the moment; Just breathe; Let’s jump off that bridge when we get to it!”

At the conclusion of Becoming Ginger Rogers, Tanaka has reached the Silver level in Pro-Am ballroom competition. Her philosophy has evolved to using her energy in a more productive way. She has “aligned” the different facets of who she is to reinforce each other. Most importantly, she has reconnected with herself, physically and emotionally.

Before our conversation ended, Tanaka reiterated, “We must pursue our joy with a sense of urgency. We don’t have an infinite future.”

As we move into 2012, the target of “staying the in the present” with that joy is a valuable aspiration.

This article originally appeared on the women’s health site EmpowHER.

In her new book, Spent: Memoirs of a Shopping Addict, author Avis Cardella chronicles the years she battled her compulsion to fill her emotional void with shopping forays that ranged from purchasing top of the line luxury items to second-rate knock-offs.

Raised in a blue-collar working family, Cardella was impacted as a young girl by her mother’s distinctive style of dress. She became entranced with fashion magazines in her formative teen years.

The underlying cause that Cardella points to early in her narrative, as the catalyst for the obsession that would slowly take over her life, was the trauma of her mother’s death.  In her opening sentence she wrote, “I used shopping to avoid myself.”

Cardella alternately describes her purchasing junkets as her escape, her boyfriend, her release, her therapy, and her drug. She came out of the fashion world—where she modeled briefly, was a photographer’s assistant, and then became a freelance writer. Throughout Spent, she lingers over descriptions of buttery suedes and designer creations cut from “dark blue lightweight gabardine wool.”  Some readers may not be able to connect with her New York City lifestyle.  However, they will certainly recognize her underlying desire to please others, her co-dependence on men, and her constant striving to replenish herself with another person’s love and approval.

In retrospect, Cardella realizes that she neglected to fully mourn her mother’s death. Instead, she immediately shifted the focus to her father’s needs, although her grief made her feel that “part of her was missing.”  She wrote, “I am empty, I can remember telling myself.”

Shopping to provide “respite form this void” started gradually.  As it grew, it became enmeshed with other dysfunctional behaviors.  Cardella’s romantic relationships, striving to meet the stringent expectations of the fashion crowd she was working with, and basic doubts about her self-worth were part of the mix. Constantly using language that references the need to “fill up an emotional hole,” Cardella related, “The thought of being alone sent me into a tailspin, almost a panic…Without shopping, I was afraid I would cease to exist.”

Many of the actions that Cardella describes in detail are classic symptoms of oniomania. To get a clinical point of view, I spoke with Sherry Gaba, LCSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in addiction and recovery. She gave me a list of symptoms that included:

• Spending unthinkable amounts of money on items you don’t need.
• Having a closet filled with purchases that still have the tags on them and have never been worn.
• Being financially in the hole.
• Having credit cards maxed out to their limit.
• Holding more than one job to pay for overwhelming bills.
• Being a former addict or alcoholic

Gaba’s elucidations dovetailed with Cardella’s account of her experience. Often, people have more than one addiction.  For Cardella, it was her need for love and her serial co-dependent liaisons.  Although Cardella’s acquisitions were store driven, Gaba spoke of those who have gone through the same out of control buying on the Internet.  Gaba made clear, that “Addiction comes in all forms,” and that there can be a motivation to fill “that empty void,” which supersedes and is “greater than any logic.”  Gaba noted, “When your life has become unmanageable and is out of control—that’s the mark of an addiction.”  However, many people refuse to seek help until they have reached the very bottom.

The first step is to admit that you have a problem.  Gaba suggested supportive choices such as:

• Getting rid of credit cards and paying for purchases in cash.
• Don’t shop alone—you have more of a chance to act out.
• Sit with uncomfortable feelings.  Learn how to self-regulate.
• Take one thing at a time.  Be present in the moment.
• Stay away from triggers (favorite stores, Internet sites, catalogs).
• Question whether you really need a purchase, or just want it.
• Consider joining a support group, as nothing can be more healing.

Gaba emphasized that getting well was “an inside job, not about having outside things.”

I contacted Cardella by e-mail with follow-up questions addressing the more concrete aspects of how she overcame her addiction.  She shared that her first proactive move was to put herself on “credit counseling.”  As she described it, “That stopped the ‘blood flow’ so to speak.”  She paid one monthly bill for all her credit cards–which was adapted to her budget.  With that financial anxiety ameliorated, it “freed [her] up to concentrate on the more important aspects of [her] recovery.”

Although Cardella was not in therapy, she recognized that her issues stemmed from psychological roots, with the core emanating from the unresolved grief surrounding her mother’s death.  She acknowledged that her “romantic relationships” had served as a way to “avoid confronting difficult emotions.”  Her biggest challenge, which she accepted, was that she “needed to face being alone to really move forward.”

Paying attention to her physical self and the mind-body connection was also “critical” to her recovery.  Eating properly, walking daily, yoga, and meditation all had a stabilizing effect for her.  Her long walks were particularly effective in staving off her urge to shop when she wanted to keep her feeling of sadness, loneliness, and fear at bay.  She revealed, “I would be walking in Central Park with tears streaming down my face.  I was forcing myself to face things I hadn’t wanted to think about for years.”

So much in Cardella’s story reflects the difficulties girls are confronted with as they traverse the passage to young womanhood.  How they are influenced by societal demands was illustrated in a story Cardella related about when she was 14 years old and “forfeited running track…in favor of sitting out high school gym class wearing my fancy clothes.”  In hindsight she understands that rather than “exploring her physical prowess,” she chose to “concentrate on her appearance.”

Perhaps the strongest presence in Spent, other than Cardella’s, is that of her mother. Graduating from fixating on her mother’s clothing and jewelry, Cardella moves instead to embracing the insights, words, and advice that will become her mother’s true legacy.  Cardella wrote in her e-mail, “It fascinates me that I had chosen to remember only my mother’s appearance at the same time that I chose to only concentrate on my own appearance.  It was as if I needed to dismiss my mother’s essence in order to keep dismissing my own essence.  It was only when I was ready to face myself that I started to face my mother’s words—who she was—rather than simply what she looked like.” When she began to read her mother’s notebooks, Cardella felt guided by her mother’s basic wisdom.

At the end of Spent, Cardella recounts the story of how she emptied her closets as she readied for a move to a new apartment, outside of New York City.  During this process, she came face to face with innumerable articles of clothing—and their respective histories (not to mention all the unopened bags.)  It was an example of wardrobe as “autobiography.”

Like Dorothy’s realization in The Wizard of Oz, Cardella connects to the simple truth that her recovery process “was about being more conscious and mindful in her life.”  In rethinking herself she asked, “Why did I feel I was not enough just as I was? What would happen if I couldn’t shop? Who and what was really important in my life?  I knew I wasn’t made of the clothing that was in my closet, but what was I really made of?  I had been shopping for an identity for all those years!”

Unfortunately, lacking estimable self-worth is all too common for women.  In Spent, Cardella takes us on her journey of self-discovery…and lets us see that it is never too late to come out on the other side.

This article originally appeared on the women’s health site Empowher.

With a mixture of rage and passion that probably seemed out of whack to the full-time teachers watching me, I called him down from his seat of glory and read him the riot act.  As he skulked away, I explained in no uncertain terms to the still-shaking girl that she could go anywhere and do anything she pleased.  Then I thought to myself, It’s the 21^st century and nothing has changed.

That story, and other remembrances, came to mind while I was reading the engaging anthology Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists.  Editors Courtney E. Martin and J. Courtney Sullivan have fashioned a book that speaks to how much women who care about feminism have in common.  With an ongoing intergenerational dialogue between women who self-identify as feminists, that at times is tinged with a undertone of anger and resentment, these voices remind the reader of a fundamental commonality.  The high profile schisms that accompanied the Obama vs. Hillary primary race; older women questioning where younger women stand on their support of abortion rights…These divisions become neutralized and I can envision Rodney King asking, “Can we all get along?”

Reading Click will help one generation to understand and appreciate what experiences have informed another group of women—through personal histories other than their own.  The contributors range in age from 18 to 41.  As someone who is in the middle of a wave, the stories resonated for me reigniting my anger, evoking compassion, and reminding me of the days when I wondered if I were alone in thinking that something outside of me—in the culture–was wrong.

When I read Miriam Zoila Pérez’s contribution, which painted a picture of her political arguments with her “conservative” father, it made me vividly recall an afternoon when I argued with my parents about Marilyn French’s best seller, The Women’s Room. The intensity of my emotions from that conversation came back to me with absolute clarity.

What makes Click such a great read is that all of the offerings bring something different to the party.  Elisa Albert had me laughing out loud with her deconstruction of the Jewish holiday Purim in her piece, “I’m Gonna Wash That King Right Out of My Hair.”  Each of the twenty-nine essays has unique insights and observations to share.

Karen Pittelman discusses her realization that “when we bury our stories, we bury one of our greatest political strengths.”  She writes, “What I love about feminism is the idea that telling the truth about our lives is a radical, transformative act.”

In the opening sentence to her essay, Marni Grossman states, “Sometimes it feels as though feminism was my consolation prize for surviving an eating disorder.”  She points to the tyranny of the societal message “that our value is in our sex appeal,” and imparts that “putting down the laxative and picking up Naomi Wolf was the most political act I have ever committed.”

As she evolves from questioning if the work of her war correspondent boyfriend is of greater relevance and “more serious in the eyes of the world,” Alissa Quart comes to terms with her relationship, which eventually grows into a marriage.  Simultaneously, she achieves awareness that her contributions—and the female writers that she emulates—could be “as searing, in their way, as investigating bullets, presidents, and dictators.”

Deborah Siegel shares how Anita Hill’s “ordeal” was the vehicle that “framed a younger generation’s understanding of women, politics, and power.”  More specifically, it was Siegel’s “inauguration to feminist activism” and her eye-opening recognition of the anti-feminist backlash it unleashed.

Raised by parents, aunts, and grandparents who built a foundation for her being “nurtured into feminism,” Marta L. Sanchez tells how a rape at age sixteen “instantly made me a feminist.”  Her belief system was shattered the day that a 22-year-old acquaintance offered her “a ride to church” during Christmas week.

A feminism that “fit” was the moment everything crystallized for Mathangi Subramanian, who authored “The Brown Girl’s Guide to Labels.”  In her second semester of graduate school, Subramanian discovered the work of Chandra Mohanty, “a third world feminist” who deconstructs how “western feminists fought for the right to work, while third world feminists acknowledged that women did most of the world’s work, and were…fighting for the right to rest.”

Janet Tsai examines the stereotype of being a “nerdy, smart Asian kid” who questions the authenticity of her admission to a “highly selective, innovative, start-up engineers college.”  Why is the prevailing notion that if the college has achieved a fifty-fifty gender parity, that the women can’t possibly be as smart as the men? Tsai ultimately confronts “gender differences in the sciences,” and gains understanding on why it triggered doubts about her talents and abilities.

Many of the essays are laced with individual responses to the impact and examples of mothers, and the behaviors that they modeled.  In that respect, the reactions reflect how each generation is influenced and shaped by the preceding one.

Ultimately, this volume—that pays homage to the Jane O’Reilly 1971 Ms. magazine story, “The Housewife’s Moment of Truth,”—will offer a new source of anecdotal enlightenment to a continuum of women.  How fortuitous it will be if it sparks an acknowledgment of the inherent connection between everyone’s struggles.

Hopefully, Click will fall into the hands of girls growing into womanhood, including the one from the playground who was informed, all too early, of her alleged limitations.

The Unheard Truth: Poverty and Human Rights

As the first woman, Muslim, and Asian to take over the reins of leadership as Amnesty International Secretary General (2001–2009), Khan has plenty of accolades and on-the-ground experience.  She spent twenty years at the United Nations as the High Commissioner for Refugees, is a graduate of Harvard Law School, and was named as one of the 100 Most Influential Asians in the United Kingdom.

The book features a foreword by Kofi Annan, former Secretary-General of the United Nations (1997–2006) who speaks to the plight of approximately 3 million people who live in poverty and “are unable to meet their daily needs for adequate shelter, food, health care, clean water, or education for their children.”  Mary Robinson, former President of Ireland and United Nations High Commissioner for Human rights (1997–2002) writes in a blurb, “Poverty is the world’s worst human rights crisis and this book make a powerful statement about not only why but how we can turn the tide.”

Khan’s contention is that poverty is a human rights issue, and therefore defending those rights must be at the core of efforts to end poverty. Recognized human rights abuses include “discrimination, state repression, corruption, insecurity, and violence.”

In ten chapters Khan breaks down issues ranging from “The Right to Safe Motherhood” to employing the path of “legal empowerment to end poverty.”  Disenfranchised groups including the Roma communities of Europe, indigenous populations, and women are pointed to by Khan as those whose concerns are ignored by governmental authorities.

Khan qualifies this marginalization as being based on gender, race, language, and caste.  A United Nations sponsored commission found that tens of millions of people lacked a legal identity.  Khan believes that the state fails poor people, and maintains that they are affected in far greater numbers by police brutality and corruption, in the courts and educational system, and through gender violence.

Referencing an example of the latter, she examines the plight of the women of cuidad Juárez, who gravitate to the urban setting of factory life to escape the crushing poverty of their rural environs.  Hundreds of young women have been raped and murdered while returning from their jobs or night school.  Despite their economic contributions, as women of limited financial means they have no power or political capital.  Therefore, no substantial police work was done on their deaths and disappearances.

The figures on world poverty are daunting.  Currently, over 1 billion people inhabit slums. In 2030, this number will double.  Khan quotes the World Bank assertion that those earning under two dollars per day are considered “poor,” and those earning less than $1.25 per day are in “extreme poverty.”  Based on those statistics, 2 billion people are poor and 1 billion people live in extreme poverty.

Throughout the book Khan addresses the disconnect between the mind-set of numerous economists and the human rights point of view.  She does not believe that material benefits equate to political power, nor does she recognize economic growth, as a response to poverty, as the magic bullet.  She quotes Nobel Peace Prize recipient (2000) Professor Muhammad Yunus who states, “Because poverty denies people any semblance of control over their destiny, it is the ultimate denial of human rights.”  Yunus, a Bangladeshi banker and economist, developed microcredit as a vehicle to empower the poor.

Khan emphasizes that economic solutions alone cannot end poverty.  By way of example she explains, “Building new schools doesn’t guarantee that girls will have the same access to education as boys.” With access to food, shelter, clean water, health care, and education being defined as basic human rights, working to defend these rights will expedite the fight to end poverty. Khan illustrates the societal structure as a pyramid.  It starts at the bottom with an individual’s domestic situation and builds upwards to community, employer, and then to government. Khan points to legal empowerment and defines how laws that are supposed to protect can in fact be a “source of oppression.”

The book ties in with Amnesty International’s global campaign, “Demand Dignity,” which calls for ending the human rights violations that “drive and deepen poverty.”  The Demand Dignity initiative was launched in June 2009 in the slums of Kenya, with the goal of ending forced evictions.  Three months later, it focused on maternal mortality in Sierra Leone.

Khan is a champion of women’s rights, and is consistently sensitive to a gender perspective.  She includes a full chapter on maternal mortality, seeing it not solely as a health problem, but reframing it as ”reflecting the powerlessness of women.”  She notes that violence against women is central to the experience of poverty.

Fittingly, Khan dedicates her book to the women of Bangladesh “whose courageous struggle for equality and dignity inspires, encourages, and energizes me.”

Marrying George Clooney: Confessions from a Midlife Crisis

“Amy Ferris has successfully combined a rip-roaringly funny page-turner, with an unvarnished account of the personal history that formed her. This gut-wrenching look at intimate relationships will resonate with readers because of the universality of its raw emotion, clarity of vision and self-revealing courage.”

Blurbs are relatively short, pithy comments on why a potential reader should pick up that particular book as opposed to the hundreds of others that are displayed besides it.  It is an invitation.  It also serves as a reference to those who have already taken the plunge, as they take a break from their reading to see if they are in sync with those who had the privilege of an advance look.

In my case, not only did I get to peruse the manuscript in its final form, I also witnessed its birth and evolution.

I met Amy Ferris at The Women’s Media Center in 2005.  We were part of the start-up team for a new venture founded by Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, and Robin Morgan.  The goal was to ensure that women were more “visible and powerful in the media.”  The two of us were quite vocal about how important women’s cultural contributions were – a necessity to honestly reflect women’s stories in our society.  As we laughed at each other’s jokes, which we considered über hilarious, we forged a friendship.

Many of the issues we discussed in serious moments – family, relationships, and life changes – would find their way into Marrying George Clooney.  Amy’s writing voice is distinctive; first person conversational.  In opening herself up to reveal her deepest thoughts and feelings with an audience beyond her personal friends, Amy’s insights no longer remain within a small circle.  They have been amplified to enfold others, in the way a wave encompasses the shore.

Amy shares plenty…without reservation.  The themes that I knew so well – her struggle with menopause, the shattering decline of her mother from dementia, her beloved husband Ken – were merged with new revelations about her past I had no knowledge of.  It was a crash course in Amy.  Some of it filled in the gaps that all relationships have, while adding a new depth of understanding.

There is already talk of different iterations of the text being considered, from television to Broadway (I think she should put her foot down if there is a suggestion of a musical).  Marrying George Clooney could very well become the quintessential book of the season. Speaking to those women born between the years of 1946 to 1964, it is poised to become a literary version of the 1970s Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress.

Amy and I have different lives.  She has a husband, a home in Pennsylvania, and two cats.  I have a teenage son, an apartment in New York City, and a dysfunctional dog.  We both lost parents this year.  She found out about her mother’s death the day she was driving in to pay a condolence call for my father. We call ourselves the “Yahrzeit Twins.”

Needless to say, women who pick up Amy’s book will live in various geographical locations, come from diverse backgrounds, and have disparate experiences. But they will recognized themselves in Amy’s efforts to come to terms with her mother’s illness, the conflict of a sibling relationship, and the struggle to reconcile with the physical and emotional changes each woman faces as she ages.

Amy’s audience will follow her as she tries to make sense of her past, while looking to her future. They will root for her.  When they put the book down, they will feel less alone as they search for their own personal answers and resolutions.

Welcome to Amy’s universe.

A whopping 87 percent of polled women would like more equilibrium between the competing areas of their lives.    Two professionals, at the highest echelon of achievement, have entered the conversation with their new book Womenomics.  Co-authors Katty Kay (BBC) and Claire Shipman (Good Morning America) have subtitled their insights, Write your own rules for success; How to stop juggling and struggling and finally start living and working the way you really want.

The writers posit that “womenomics” will benefit the “entire working world,” and that there is a “brewing workplace revolution.”  They point to the benefit of flexibility over promotions, the value of time as the “new currency,” and espouse a phrase redefining the old “having it all” as “The New All.”  Kay, the Washington correspondent and anchor for BBC World News America, is the mother of four.  Shipman, the senior national correspondent for ABC News’ Good Morning America, is the mother of two.  The women undertook the book in response to a confluence of factors.  It was a reaction to The Harvard Business Review article “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success” by Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Carolyn Buck Luce, “The Opt Out Revolution” by Lisa Belkin, and their own career conflicts.

The genesis of the book was explained to me when I spoke to Kay by telephone. We discussed if the book’s pointers could be relevant to women who did not have college degrees and were not climbing the “corporate ladder.”  Kay maintained that all women are looking for more control over their schedules. For her and Shipman the “New All” took on the meaning of enough professional success balanced by time and freedom.

Most of the statistics in the book reflect the demographic that Kay and Shipman set out to interview and study. Nationally, women hold 57 percent of the Bachelor’s Degrees and 58 percent of all graduate degrees. 46 percent of management is comprised of women. As for the overall workforce, women are approaching the 50 percent mark.

Women stepping up to the plate and asking for what they want, and getting employed on their terms is the ideal.  A frequently quoted authority in the book is Dr. Kathleen E. Christensen of the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, which funds studies on families and the workplace.  Christensen has given the modern women’s role in family life a new nomenclature: “The meaning maker.”  She explains, “It’s the women who basically cultivate and sustain the rituals     in the family.”  This applies to women whether they are climbing a corporate ladder or working in lower paying  service jobs.  Christensen said, “Employed women increasingly feel more entitled to say, ‘I need and I want to work in a certain way.’”  She pointed to the fact that “the one-size-fits-all workplace doesn’t work.”

Some employers are getting the picture.  The Continental Airlines reservations department in Houston has allowed 600 agents to work form home.  25 percent of the staff gets an extra day off per week, on a rotating basis.  Studies have shown that a majority of flextime workers have improved productivity and greater commitment to the job.

Regardless of a women’s level or field, the commonality lies in how to handle the stress that comes with juggling combined responsibilities. The Mayo Clinic’s article, ”Work-life balance: Ways to restore harmony and reduce stress” includes many of the same pointers outlined in Womenomics.  Following are some of the quandaries that Kay and Shipman believe are problematic, and their proposed remedies.

• The inability to say no because of the need to please.
Women should keep a list of top commitments, and let go of saying yes to avoid conflict. Buzz phrases such as, “My schedule won’t let me take that on” or invoking the “family policy” clause (which includes the sanctity of date night, child’s rehearsal, parent birthday) are simple ways to side step unwanted obligations.

• Work Smart
Recognize that time is a critical commodity. Use it to zone in on top concerns. When you compile a list, it must reflect what is most essential. Focus on the top five, and accept that you can’t get it all done. Set a big picture goal for the month, and even for the year. Make “assume control of your schedule” a mantra.

• The Tyranny of “Professional and Domestic Perfection”
Delegate, and be aware of when what you are achieving is “good enough.” Set limits. That includes tech boundaries as well. Cutting back on constant e-mail perusal and Blackberry usage can free up time for relationships.

During the election, candidate Obama frequently reflected on the strong females in his life.  As Kay said to me, “You have a President whose wife gets it.”  Since taking up residence in the White House, Michelle Obama has publically advocated for sick leave for parents, flexible work hours, and on-site childcare.

The “womenomics” theory of “writing our own rules for success” and getting past “internal obstacles” can give us a foothold on ratcheting down the pressure.  In the meantime, let’s hope the marketplace gets in step with the realization that productivity, loyalty, and retention goes up with family-friendly policies.

This article originally appeared on the women’s health site Empowher.